Ingrid Simone: Managing the Kids' Media with Your Ex

Originally created for commonsensemedia.org.

"Is it that bad to let your kids watch Aliens?" My ex-husband posed this question to me -- and he was dead serious. Did I mention that our kids are 6 and 8?

For the most part, my ex and I agree on media choices for the kids, and we try to be respectful of each other's wishes. He'll call to ask what Common Sense Media says about a movie before taking the kids to see it. I'll check with him about how much screen time they've had at his place so that I can adjust when the kids are with me. Still, there are some things we don't see eye-to-eye on.

Figuring out media rules for your home is a challenge in itself, but trying to find middle ground across two parental households and between two people who -- shockingly -- might not agree on everything, can be twice as challenging. It's especially difficult during the holidays, when kids are off school and may be spending more time in each parent's household -- and possibly watching more TV, playing more games, and overdosing on movies. How can divorced parents come to an agreement on media rules for their separate households and keep the peace over the holidays?

Plan ahead.
The holidays are already a high-stress time for many families. Don't wait until your kids are off school and already getting bored and antsy to try to figure out media rules. Even if you've already set basic ground rules, go into the holiday season with a plan specifically for those couple of weeks the kids are off. Is there a certain movie one of you would like to take the kids to see? Does one of you plan to buy the kids a new video game? How much daily screen time can kids get while they're on break? Put the plan in writing, and make it easy to access in case you need a quick reminder (I keep mine on my phone).

Planning ahead will give you time to put some thought into what's really important to you, research specific titles, reduce the likelihood of unwelcome media-related surprises, and hopefully avoid unnecessary conflict.

Divvy it up.
Consider eliminating some of the overlap in media -- have each parent manage a specific type of media in his or her home. My kids, for example, don't watch much TV at my house, but they do use apps and play Wii games. They watch more TV at their dad's house but don't spend as much time playing electronic games. Dad is more likely to take them to a movie; Mom is more likely to grab a DVD for them to watch.

With each parent having some ownership over specific forms of media, it'll be easier to track kids' overall media intake, feel less like a media free-for-all, and help both parents with media accountability.

Pick your battles.
It was jarring to hear my 6-year-old son singing about a woman with "boobies like wow, oh, wow." That's a battle I'm willing to fight. But when my kids say they watched TV all day at Dad's house once, but it's not a regular thing, I'll let that go (although I'll probably remember to put some brand-new books and activities in their backpacks during the next hand-off). It's normal to want to have some non-negotiables, but not everything should fall into that category.

Communicate.
Yes, it's often easier said than done. If you and your ex aren't in a place where it's easy to talk about potential areas of conflict, consider figuring it all out over email, collaborating via instant message or a shared web-based document, or even using old-fashioned written notes. And if, for some reason, you want to adjust the plan you've agreed to (though try to keep that to a minimum), communicate the situation beforehand -- no one likes being blindsided.
Syncing up media rules with your ex is key to managing your kids' overall screen time and having a measure of quality control. Screen time, age-appropriate media, quality content, limiting ads -- all of that matters in a 24/7 media world, and over the holidays kids have even more free time to consume more media. You may not be able to control everything, but you can agree on some basic ground rules so that media doesn't come between you and your kids or cause conflict between you and your ex.

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Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ingrid-simone/managing-the-kids-media-w_b_1119584.html

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